Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
