my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
