i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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