And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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