Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
