Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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