I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
