The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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