I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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