omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
