just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you would pick up someone in the library
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
