How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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