i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
