Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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