literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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