I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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