6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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