Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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