Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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