youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Randomize
