I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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