Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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