I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
