Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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