I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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