I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
