I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
