you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize