??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
