Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
