So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
