they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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