Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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