just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
