got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
