I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
