The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
