Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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