a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
