the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
