wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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