is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
