Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I licked your asshole in confidence.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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