My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
birth control should be required to get into college
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
