my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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