who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
