do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
