Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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