i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The Olympian is in my bed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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