my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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