wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
