good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
