Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
