After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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