I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
