for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
