and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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