So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
