How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
