when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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