Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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