Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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