You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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