Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
