Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
