he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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