I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
